Third Culture Kids
Special Needs of Children of Missionaries, Oversees Military Personnel, and Expatriates
Matthew McNutt is the associate pastor for student ministries at Brandywine Valley Baptist Church in Wilmington, Delaware. He was also a season three ...
Graduating from high school, an event eagerly anticipated by most teenagers, was one of the single most traumatic and devastating nights of my life.
Looking back through my journals, I now find a repeated theme of dread and fear in the months building up to it. High school graduation marked the moment in time when I would say goodbye forever to the closest friendships and relationships I had ever known, and leave for a country I no longer knew or considered to be home. I was a missionary kid on the verge of returning to my country of birth.
Third Culture Kids
Third culture kids (TCKs)—whether the children of missionaries, military servicemen, or parents whose employment takes them abroad—lead lives of constant transition. By the time I had finished high school, at the ripe old age of 17, I'd had close to two dozen bedrooms, lived in four states, three countries, and two continents. Many of my friends at the boarding school for missionary kids that I attended had me beat on all counts, though.
Transition and instability is the constant companion for a TCK; frequent moves and transfers characterize life. And even when settled into a home, the peer group is in constant flux as well—friends returning to their birth countries for furlough, being transferred to other bases and/or countries, and new arrivals every semester.
It is an intense lifestyle involving heavy travel, boarding schools, culture shock on a regular basis, and a constant feeling of displacement and instability. For me, it was a constant struggle of wondering where I belonged. My heart was tied to Bolivia, the country I considered home—and yet, I never truly felt at home there. Towering a head above the natives with my sun bleached blonde hair and blue eyes, there was never any doubt that I was different. And yet, while the United States was the country of my citizenship and home to my relatives, it was not my home.
To a lesser degree, many young people participating in short term mission trips, whether abroad or nationally, can experience some of what I am describing. For most youth workers, interacting with students who have been briefly removed from their normal social contexts and immersed in another culture will be a more frequent experience. Students can struggle with feelings of displacement and culture shock, regardless of the length of the trip. My students from small town Maine struggled to process the transitions encountered during our trips to Uganda, thousands of miles away, and inner city Boston, only a few hours drive away. The distance is not the key factor; it is being removed from their primary culture.
Dr. Ruth Useem originally coined the phrase "Third Culture Kid." While a common misconception, it does not refer to living in a third world nation. Instead, it refers to the child's perspective on the world. The reasoning behind the name is as follows: a child's first culture is the one in which he is born. A child's second culture is the one in which she grows up. However, the end result is a blending of the two cultures, resulting in the child being unsure of who she is and where she is from. Instead, the young person's perspective on his surroundings and the world becomes a third culture—one unique to her and only truly understood by others with similar backgrounds.
Transition
For a TCK, the return to the United States at any stage is traumatic. The rapidly evolving culture and society is often confusing and overwhelming for people living in the USA. For the returning TCK, it can be far more so. While some would assume that a global nomad, as TCKs often call themselves, would be used to adapting to new places. But it is a different situation altogether to return to one's country of birth.
When I lived in South America, people understood when I wasn't familiar with local traditions, terminology, clothing styles, popular musicians, actors and so forth. It was obvious that I was not from there, so people were gracious and understanding. My friends were quick to explain what was expected of me in different situations and forgiving when I unknowingly broke cultural taboos. However, in America I look and sound like everyone else. When I act differently or violate social norms, people just think I'm strange. Some of my MK (missionary kid) friends would fake Latin American accents while in the United States because they actually found it easier to fit in and be accepted by their peers if they sounded like a foreigner. Suddenly, instead of people reacting as though they were weird, they would patiently explain what was going on and why.
The most difficult transition of all, though, is the return to the country of birth after high school graduation. And for most of these young people, they do it alone. They have completed their high school studies and said goodbye to all they know in exchange for a completely new lifestyle. Many TCKs arrive in the United States to attend colleges they have never visited, live in towns they are unfamiliar with, and feel completely and utterly alone. After all, most likely their parents are thousands of miles away with limited accessibility (though technology is helping change that part). In addition, the reality is that while these young people have remarkable backgrounds, most Americans are not interested in hearing about them. In fact, talking about experiences abroad usually results in the TCK being viewed as bragging. In the end, most young people learn to keep their memories from abroad to themselves; their background is just too different for people to grasp.
This period of transition is usually characterized by self-imposed isolation, withdrawal, exaggeration of problems, questions, fears, and grief. Typically, it can take anywhere from a year to several years for a TCK to struggle through this transition. It certainly took several years for me to process what I was feeling and to become willing to risk close friendships again. In South America, I had attended a boarding school for missionary kids. Not only did I attend all the same classes with my friends, but I lived with them as well. My departure was overwhelming for me due to the pain of saying goodbye to people who had become closer than siblings that I would most likely never see again. My classmates were literally from all over the world, and each of us were returning to our countries of origin. After high school, I took a year off to work and save for college. I virtually closed myself off from all those around me because I knew I was leaving in a year and it wasn't worth the effort in my mind to make friends and then lose them again. A journal entry from my first month in college reveals some of the anxiety I felt as I finally began reaching out:
I've been here a quarter of a semester and it seems like I only just arrived. I dread leaving—I've already become friends with everyone. It's frustrating, and it scares me—even to the point of nightmares. After over half a year of not dreaming of Tambo (my high school), I've woken up terrified from nightmares involving my close friends from there. I don't know why. I do know that leaving Tambo was the single most devastating event of my life, and after being a bit of a recluse for over a year for fear of saying goodbye, I'm interacting with people close to my own age once again. But I keep thinking how many will leave in just a few months. —September 29th, 1994
My response to transition as a Third Culture Kid was not unusual. While at the time I thought there was something wrong with me, many of my peers have described to me similar reactions. However, growing up in a different culture is not a bad thing. While difficult transition is a fact of life, there are many positive things that characterize most Third Culture Kids:
TCKs Need Mentors
For a youth worker, the arrival of a Third Culture Kid presents unique challenges. The temptation is to these kids' needs slide—after all, if they are home on furlough, they will be gone in a year anyway. And if they have returned to attend college, then they aren't really a part of the youth program to begin with, right? However, these young people are an important responsibility for the church. For the supporting and sending congregation, there is a significant connection and relationship. The difficulties faced by these missionary kids are a direct result of the calling their parents received and the church partnered with them to achieve. Part of that partnership should involve the congregation helping to meet the needs of returning missionary kids. These needs cannot be met by their parents as a result of the realities of their calling. While at first seemingly intimidating, in many ways, TCKs have the same needs as other adolescents. They just happen to have different backgrounds.
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Wednesday • September 08 • 2010